This piece is a reflection about the day that my partner and I had been nervously awaiting……the day where he would go about his work day and I would attempt to handle two bubas ALLLLLLOOOOONNNNEEE!!!!!
I was feeling a mixture of emotions…nervous, excited, anticipatory and eager….to name a few..
Like all well meaning mamas….I had the day planned out by the hour….ish.
And like all well meaning mamas know……it seemed as though NOTHING went to PLAN…… (note to self here…..hold off on the planning as the expectation of a plan often creates a sense of ‘OH NO’ when actually, things are going as ok as you should ‘expect’ them to go…)
I felt the day begin to go ‘pair shaped’ as I reached out to stop my little adventurer’s foot slipping through a rope bridge (yes a bridge made of ropes) at the park,
My little explorer, instead of drifting off into a peaceful midday snooze (like planned) chose to experiment by pulling her arms out of her car seat as we travelled at 80 km’s per hour along the highway with no close exit in sight,
My little explorer begun to get sleepy, drifting off……but alas there will be no car nap because my littlest love begun to stir in the capsule stimulating a snap decision to get home quickly and get both bubas out of the car, and into the pram and carrier for a relaxing stroll around the block,
As my strong willed toddler refused to get in the pram for a walk to sleep, as I winced using bribery to entice her, as I strolled up and down the same stretch of road, catching patches of shade, as my big little baby coordinated rolly pollies in her pram seat, instead of drifting off to sleep (like planned),
As my littlest love fiiiiiinally drifts off to sleep in my arms at the same time the coles truck arrived with our groceries and a loud knock boombs through the house,
As I knock over a freshly made baby cino after negotiating with my big littlest love about having a baby cino with chocolate sprinkles instead of an easter egg (because shorly this is the option with less sugar),
And I think you have the idea….(and hopefully a an understanding and compassionate smile on your dile)
As these moments came and went, I can only describe the experience as an out of body sensation……where I drift out of my body, step back and look upon with a reassuring, encouraging slightly doubtful ‘come on mama you can do it’ type of look.
I ask myself, at the end of a big day….what is it about today that leaves me feeling a sense of exhaustion yet energized, stressed yet accomplished, depleted, and loved…..what is going to get me through tomorrow type of feeling…and my answer is this…..the snap shots.
The moments in time that you wish to pause…….the moments that far outweigh the moments you wish to speed through as they happen…
These moments….the moments you wish to take a snap shot of and hold onto for dear life….
The moment where im standing at our front porch watching my energetic, explorative toddler play outside, whilst holding my new born baby girl tight and smelling that devine new born smell…….focusing only on the sight and smell of my two beautiful babies.
The moment where my big little love wraps her arms so tightly around my neck and squeezes me, leaving me feeling like I may just burst with a sweet, honey, tender, boundless type of love.
The moment where your littlest love holds your gaze and smiles…deep into your soul.
The moment where you big little love gives you a real belly laugh……just because she think that funny dance you do whilst trying to rock your littlest love to sleep whilst enterain your big little love….is the most hilarious thing in the entire universe.
The moment, where despite the fact that it didn’t go to plan, left me feeling exhausted and at times unraveled, I did it, we did it. We got through the day, my babies were well fed, they slept, they played and most of all they were loved, with every ounce of my being….
These are the snap shots I choose to take with me as I tackle another day.
I gave them my all, and that is all I am expected to give.
As mamas, all we should be expected to do is our best. Choose Love Choose your Snapshots.